Jules' Blog

I said i am fine this week. I lliked the modules and i can understand them.

Then i filled the table for mesurements after few seconds Stacey watched the outcome.

She said good you improve but how? Why your risk increased? She watched 

what showd on the screen then closed the laptop. What did you do to yourself Jules?

I can't tell you. She became so serious and let me think of my therapist in Taiwan.

I just can't tell you. You are not able to tell me or you don't want to tell me,she asked.

I don't want to tell you i shoudn't do that. She asked what will happen if i tell her.

I think she will ask me to go to see the psychartrist. After i backed home i think i was 

so stupid bcz here is not Taiwan and the reality is that i really need to see the psychiatrist 

to get some pills. She guessed one hundred of ways i may hurt myself but i just smiled.

She emphasized what we talked here will be confidential, no one will know it.

I can feel comfortable and safe to talk about anything disturb me. We wasted a lot of time

to guess what did i do but i still feel sad bcz i haven't hurt myself for a long time.

I told her i like here and i want to work here but i can't stop those thoughts and the images.

Then she taught me how my brain work so i always feel anger and scared. That's so true

and even myself didn't realize it until she told me. I always think that just bcz i am so useless

i just want to find an excuse to escape my resposibilities then she said no. You are not useless

and you are brave you just as good as others. Of course i am not useless but when i depressed 

i can't tell myself i can do anything. We think i need to go to persuade the GP to transfer me 

asap.I am not as bad as you thought, i just wrote part of our conversation and i am really funtional well.

I go to school everyday,talk to people and do homework do some study like a normal person.

No sad no happy but i like it and i just need to write my CV and cover letter to apply the job which

make me neverous and stressful. Just that.